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Redneck Jokes Page 1
Info: These redneck jokes are Billtvshow.com originals, not by Jeff Foxworthy. They are by Billtvshow.com staff members and additional contributors, using Jeff Foxworthy's joke style and any similarities with other redneck jokes by Jeff Foxworthy or anyone else is strictly a coincidence. Each mobile page for the redneck jokes contains 200 jokes.
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Jokes:
You might be a redneck if...
Your best friend is a raccoon
Your shotgun is named after your girlfriend
You have the same number of teeth as you have fingers
You’ve ever killed someone over a kick me sign
You’ve ever searched for gold in your dead grandpa’s chest and had your fingers taken off by the booby trap within
You’ve won money off of your dead grandpa by playing poker with him
You’ve ever had to towel dry after a fart
You have a glass eye collection
Your pet groundhog has ever bitten more than one of your thumbs off
One wall of your home is a tarp
You’ve shaved off your eyebrows and taped them to a little kids back
You’ve ever bought steel-toed boots, only to remove the steel to patch a hole in your trailer
You’ve ever had a family feud over a litter of coondogs
You use a handful of creek mud as birth control
You’ve ever held a lifelong grudge over a spelling bee
You’ve ever gotten a concussion reading the newspaper
You’ve ever dislodged a sunflower seed from the corner of your eye
You cover your kids with lampshades every time the social service people come around
You’ve ever carved a gunstock out of a bedpost
You’ve ever had to wipe your butt with a shower curtain
You’ve ever put a living animal in an envelope
On the picture of your family tree, there are utility workers cutting the branches off
You think Papsmear is when your daddy got run over down at work
You’ve ever spit chawbacker in a county commissioner’s eye
Everyone in your family has one-syllable names
You named your favorite GI-Joe Billy Ray Cyrus
You’ve ever shot a boy scout in the chest with a beebee gun
You’ve ever mowed your lawn with a skill saw
You were conceived on the Tilt-A-Whirl
You have to take medicine for your plumber’s crack
You’ve ever broken a pair of toenail clippers
You know what your little girl’s farts smell like
Your brother died in a deer stand-making contest
You’ve ever shot a hot air balloon out of the sky
You have a body part that is a tourist attraction
You’ve ever taken out a mortgage on an RV
You’ve ever lost money in a bet involving a ceiling fan
You’ve ever broken a piano teacher’s arms
You’ve ever deep-fried a frozen dinner
Your pet goat died and you breastfed its orphans
You’ve ever broken a bone while stopping a metronome
Your job is a redneck joke maker
You’ve ever eaten anything out a vacuum bag
You’ve ever cooked Thanksgiving Dinner in an Easy-Bake Oven
You’ve ever had a light switch embedded in your forehead
You’ve ever done a back flip off of a 60-foot bridge
Every picture in your house has PROOF written on it
Your wallpaper is insulation and 2x4’s
You’ve ever made out with your girlfriend in a deer bed
You’ve ever won a trophy with someone else’s name on it
You’ve ever tried to get a date with a telemarketer
You’ve ever broken into your little girl’s piggy bank with explosives
You’ve ever used a kidney stone as a Monopoly piece
You’ve ever gone fishing with a sawed-off shotgun
You’ve ever dropped a beagle down a well to see how deep it is
You’ve ever given a Happy Meal toy as a Christmas present
You’ve ever gone to jail for being ugly
You’ve ever corrected your child with a beer can
You’ve ever drove a 4-wheeler through Wal-Mart
You’ve ever held a footrace in your bass boat
You know someone who died in an apple bobbin’ contest
You’ve ever done a cannonball into the live well of your bass boat
You’ve ever found something useful in a roll of fat
You’ve ever trampled a four year old while on a fast break
You lost your virginity on a layaway counter
You’ve ever stolen a pinball machine
You’ve ever been convicted of involuntary manslaughter in conjunction with an air hockey game
You tape A Christmas Story every year
You pull for the bad guys on COPS
Your momma birthed you and your cousin out at the same time
You’ve ever used an umbilical cord in a game of pin the tail on the donkey when you still had several other options to consider
You’ve ever killed a baby calf with a jackhammer
You’ve ever spent a fortnight in a mineshaft
You’ve ever had a family member entered in the county fair
You own a collectible card with monkeys having sex on it
You’ve ever jumped rope with a catheter
You use your dead dog’s carcass as a GI Joe training camp
You’ve ever delivered a baby with grill utensils
You’ve ever buried your life savings in the snow
Your role model is plastic
You got put in jail because of your first kiss
You’ve ever slicked your hair back with fish guts
You’ve ever bullwhipped the panda bears at the zoo
You’ve ever hand dug a hole and slept in it
You’ve ever slept with a hoe
You’ve ever eaten motor oil on pancakes
You’ve ever purchased a breath mint endorsed by a pro wrestler
You’ve ever worn a mousetrap in your hair
You think Ronald Reagan invented oregano
You’ve ever shared the bathtub with your carburetor
You’ve ever decapitated someone on a ride at the county fair
You’ve ever been convicted of capital murder in a bumper car incident
You’ve ever paid 28 dollars to skip in line for the bumper cars
You’ve ever been so desperate for money that you actually sowed an entire acre of nickels
You’ve ever signed a check with a blackhead
You’ve ever put a coupon for Shake N’ Bake in the offertory plate
You’ve ever done mouth to mouth on a hound dog
You think cottage cheese is when you farted at the Abe Lincoln birthplace
You punish your kids with Rubix cubes
You’ve ever swam a local lake looking for Gilligan’s Island
You’ve never seen a road sign while sober
You’ve ever wiped your butt with a Tonka truck
Your bed sheet is banned from flying over the state capitol
You’ve ever played a prank using real diarrhea
You think Bangladesh is a porn star
You’ve ever cured cancer with peroxide
You’ve ever washed your kids in a water fountain
You’ve ever given road kill as a wedding present
You’ve ever been in a documentary about The Great Depression
You’ve ever shot at the Cheerios honeybee on TV
You’ve ever fixed a transmission with pipe cleaner
You’ve ever flown a kite in church
You’ve ever put someone’s eye out with a ginger snap
You ever bobbed for apples in the wake of a boat
You’ve ever mad-dogged a glass of sweet tea
You’ve ever tried to pet a killer bee
You’ve ever maced a litter of kittens
Your momma’s hair color is sponge cake
You haven’t talked to your father in 20 years because of a snowball fight
You really believe you’re related to Texas Pete
You use earwax as C4 in GI Joe war games
You use electrical tape as eyeliner
Your idea of success is two raccoons in one night
You’ve ever turned a corner in your life because of an infomercial
You’ve ever looked at the ground and found a job
You’ve ever gotten red in the face laughing at an oil spill
You use your birthmark to pick up women
You’ve ever found your way back home using your momma’s varicose vein road map
You think Allegra will grow a leg back
You’ve ever spent your birthday at the Laundromat
You’ve ever had someone wipe his or her feet on you
Denture Bond is all that holds your dining room table together
You’ve ever tipped the pizza boy with game room tokens
You can wipe yourself with your mullet and do so
You punish your kids with hours in the tanning bed
You’ve ever salted your toothpaste
Your wife’s water broke and your brother tried to drink it
You’ve ever had an aneurysm trying to interpret a stain glass window
You’ve ever punched a proctologist to death because you didn’t know what he was before you went to him
You’ve ever had a head on while swerving out of the way of a black cat
You’ve ever breastfed a stray animal
You’ve ever been kicked out of a religion you weren’t a part of
Your pillow has ever crawled out from under you
Your ponytail has ever gotten caught in a ceiling fan
You’ve tried to use DECON to get rid of your rat tail
You’ve ever fallen asleep on a conveyor belt
You’ve ever pawned your birth certificate
You’ve ever broken your wrist trying to break off the long end of a wishbone
You’ve ever busted your teeth out with a Skip-It
You’ve ever given someone a piggyback ride to the hospital
You’ve ever gone door to door looking for work as a pallbearer
You’ve ever drawn areolas around your grandfather’s nipples while he was sleeping
You’ve ever fried an egg on a radiator
You’ve ever run a school bus off of an overpass
You’ve ever made a sport out of throwing live animals at cars
You have to wipe your feet before you leave your house
Your momma’s belt buckle says Hetero-Pride
You have a wooden kneecap
You’ve ever used a casket in a sporting event
Your bologna has a first name, it’s B-L-O-W-F-L-Y
You’ve ever sucker punched a little girl because of her hopscotch rhyme
A hurricane came to town and your trick forecasting knee exploded
Your idea of a pregnancy test is to eliminate all chance
Your significant other is a bed sheet
You’ve ever recorded your child’s birth on a Yak Bak
You’ve ever made someone a road map on a Lite Brite
You’ve ever had a swear word shaved in your armpit
You’ve ever used bread bags as shoes
You’ve ever used a wicker basket to hold up your car while changing a tire
You’ve ever stood in a corner so long that the Dunce Cap has become infused with your skin
Your wife uses gunpowder as eye shadow
You’ve ever won the lottery and asked to be paid in lottery tickets
You’ve ever used chest hair as kindling
You’ve ever drank tequila out of a top hat
You’ve ever been fascinated by a clothes hamper
You’ve ever made a necktie out of shotgun shell plastic
You were a pallbearer for Colonel Sanders
You’ve ever lost your index finger in a hoedown
Your wardrobe revolves around your teeth color
You’ve ever spent 20 to life because of a spin the bottle game
You’ve ever licked the freezer burn off of the unwrapped hindquarter of a deer due to a game of truth or dare
You’re stuck in a rut that has drawn media coverage
You’ve ever had your Christmas stocking filled with creek water
You’ve ever changed your baby’s diaper and powdered its butt with coffee creamer
You found your soul mate in the glare of a placemat
You’ve ever sunbathed on a merry-go-round
You’ve ever wrote a note to your wife on the fridge in maple syrup
You proposed to your wife on the Jack Daniels factory tour
You name your kids after salad dressings
Your last name is something that is contained in a toolbox
You’ve ever legally changed your first name to your CB handle
You’ve ever made night crawler jerky
You’ve ever wrapped a Christmas present in tobacco leaves
You’ve ever hidden an Easter egg in facial hair
You’ve ever played a game of street hockey with a dead squirrel
You’ve ever made a career decision on an 8 ball
Your wife has ever given birth by mistake in a Port-A-John
You’ve ever left a wooden nickel as a tip at a restaurant
You’ve ever given a friendship bracelet to a pine tree
You go to a church that plays Dueling Banjos during offertory

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